CLIENT REQUIREMENTS

If you want to work with me, that means you are:

Curious: You are thoughtful. You have questions about yourself, your life path, and the world around you. You are not turned on by superficial, surface-level conversation; you like to go deeper.

Conscious: You are self-aware. You see yourself as a constant, ever-evolving work in progress. You enjoy thinking and talking about ideas and various ways of being. You might describe yourself as “spiritual” or simply “open”.

Creative: You like to engage with the world around you. You believe life is an interactive, participatory experience. You see yourself as being of value and having a unique purpose.

Committed: You are a woman or man of your word. When you commit to something, you see it through.

Apply now; let’s start the process!

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 THIS. YES. THIS FOREVER.  When you finally start shining your unique light very brightly, very unapologetically, all the right ships starting lining up at your sweet dock. Make way, babes. ⛴ • • • #Coaching #Mindfulness #LifeCoach #PersonalDevelopment #LoveTheLifeYouLive #WellnessCoach #SelfDevelopment #PositiveMindset #BusinessCoach #VibrateHigher #OnlineCreator #BusinessCoach #WomenSupportingWomen #PersonalDevelopmentCoach #HappinessCoach #WellbeingCoach #TheGirlGang #MakersGonnaMake #FemaleEntrepreneur #MyCreativeBiz #RelationshipCoach #LoveCoach #MotivationalQuote #PursuePretty #FindItLiveIt  A funny thing happens when we're out there in the dating jungle, and we're hungry, and we're tired, and we're lonely, and feeling a little lost...we sometimes forget what we KNOW, in favor of what (or who) is in front of us. Cause when you're hungry/lonely/lost, everyone starts to look sorta delicious. :: Maybe you know that you have a tendency to go for the unavailable guy, or the emotionally shut down dude, and it usually leads to heartache. Maybe you know that you have a bad habit of trying to fix people, or save people, and it just doesn't work out in the long run. Maybe you know you need a kind, thoughtful, reeeally good listener, but dammit--those self-absorbed, cocky fellas just GETCHA EVERY TIME! :: Please, please, please: Do not forget what you know. Do not let your patterns or persuasions get the best of you, and keep you straying off the path of what know you want, or what you know you need. ⠀ :: And if you DON'T know? Simply start discovering and deciding. Look at past relationship experiences and identify what didn't work. Work with a coach, or a therapist, and get clear on what you want, and what you know works or doesn't work for you relationship-wise. Start declaring what you know to yourself, and to others. "I can't get involved with someone who is unavailable--emotionally, geographically, or otherwise. I can't. I know this." :: The more honest you are with yourself (and others) about your own self-knowledge, the easier it is to avoid the same unhappy patterns or sad relationship cycles. So do not forget it. Write it down. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself! Just remember what you know. • • • #ChooseHappiness #AttitudeOfGratitude #ParadigmShift #PowerOfPositivity #LiveToTheFullest #PositivePsychology #CreateYourOwnHappiness #WellnessCoaches #MindsetCoach #MindsetShift #WellnessCoaching #OnTheBlog #WomenInBusiness #CommunityOverCompetition #CreativeEntrepreneur #WorkLifeBalance #HandsAndHustle #WomenInBiz #RelationshipAdvice #SavvyBusinessOwner #CalledToCreate #WomenOwnedBusiness #DontQuitYourDayDream #InspirationalQuote #relationshipgoals  WHOA. DEEPNESS. DEPTHNESS. Truth talk.  Right?! ⠀ ::⠀ Everything is weather. Feelings, moods, states of mind, PMS symptoms, seasons, relationships, bank account balances, job titles, personal identities, hair lengths, hair colors, hair being there at all, hair showing up when you least expect it in the least expecting places--LIFE IS ONE TRANSIENT MFer. We have to get used to it. We have to get comfortable weathering our often strange storms.⠀ ::⠀ When we get caught up in day-to-day dramas, or get sucked into painful patterns of doomsday thoughts and feelings, WE ASSUME THE ROLE OF CLOUDS. We forget that we are here, and we will continue to be here, and we will be okay, and we will snap out of it, and survive, and thriiive, dammit. Humans are resilient. We bounce back. But we often forget that.⠀ ::⠀ Instead, we imagine that "this is it" or "these feelings are forever" or "it will never get better". We get confused! Cause listen--that's the weather talking. And as Queen Pema slam dunks in the quote above: You are not the weather! You are not clouds or rain or sunshine. You are the eternal crystal azure blue stretch of forever that those clouds get to hang out in sometimes. Lucky them.⠀ ::⠀ We help ourselves handle patches of cloud and crappy weather (aka: deal with challenges, and reclaim our SKY-NESS) when we recognize that we've already been through some tough stuff, survived big, scary, weather-y things, and that we are stronger and smarter for it. When we rest in our resilience, and trust that the damn sun will rise again. Recognize the challenge, the struggle, the pain, the WEATHER, but do not think that you ARE the challenge, the struggle, the pain. You're above that shit. Let it roll through you, cast shadows, and move on. ☀️ • • • #Coaching #Mindfulness #LifeCoach #PersonalDevelopment #LoveTheLifeYouLive #WellnessCoach #SelfDevelopment #PositiveMindset #BusinessCoach #VibrateHigher #OnlineCreator #BusinessCoach #WomenSupportingWomen #PersonalDevelopmentCoach #HappinessCoach #WellbeingCoach #TheGirlGang #MakersGonnaMake #FemaleEntrepreneur #MyCreativeBiz #RelationshipCoach #LoveCoach #MotivationalQuote #PursuePretty #FindItLiveIt  Something I've really loved about sharing The Self-Love Trifecta all week is it's made me think about all of the ways in which loving myself has completely changed and shaped my life. :: Before I got really good at listening to myself, taking care of myself, and honoring myself in healthy, caring ways, I felt kinda nuts. I was always looking for someone else, or something else, to fulfill me. I drove relationships into the ground because I craved love and attention so badly, NO ONE could meet my needs. My insecurities and feelings of unworthiness were hijacking my whole system. I drank a lot to avoid feeling things. I spent a lot of time with people who weren't that supportive or encouraging of me (or themselves), because we matched. I criticized myself so much that I wasn't even aware of it. I thought telling myself was lazy was helpful, because maybe it would motivate me to be better. Spoiler alert: it didn't. :: Learning how to love myself in conscious, concrete ways absolutely SAVED ME. It made it possible for me to go after my dreams, pursue healthy partnerships, and be my authentic self, both in my everyday life and to millions of people on the internet. It was THE game-changer. And for the longest time I was completely without it; those were dark fucking years. I don't wish that kind of existence on anyone, but I know it's painfully familiar to so many of us. :: This coaching program is so important to me because I want women everywhere to start loving themselves so their insecurities and unworthiness aren't running the show. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and really, radically like what you see. I want you to enjoy your own company and create loving relationships that match how good, kind, and unabashedly worthy you are. :: The link to join The Trifecta is in my bio, for anyone who's so over the dark years. Anyone who's looking for concrete, conscious steps to light their own self-love journey. Our first live call is next Tuesday, August 8th, and I'm so eager to begin this work with so many of you. Thank you for letting me share my story, and use what I've learned to assist others. This life is SO GOOD. ❤️  Learning to speak to, and relate to ourselves in supportive, encouraging ways can feel like a pretty foreign friggin concept (unfortunately). Especially for those of us verrry interested in personal development, switching gears to acceptance and approval can feel almost risky...if I'm not riding my own ass all the time, or "keeping myself in line", what will happen? :: Answer: Lots of wonderful things. For one, you'll feel more INSPIRED to show up how you want to when you're not in fear of being criticized (by yourself). You'll stop feeling so pulled into situations or experiences where your worth or value is questioned, because you'll have a more concrete foundation of self-validation and appreciation streaming through you. You'll have an easier time saying "no," saying "yes," and paying attention to your needs, plus honoring your wants. When we work on the relationship we have with ourselves, there's this ripple effect that occurs in all other areas--relationships with family, friends, lovers, they'll feel it too. :: If you feel ready to begin healing the relationship you have with yourself, I made something for you. Click the link in my bio and start wholeheartedly approving of yourself. And yeah, you'll see what happens. ☺️ #selfworth #selflove #joy #confidence #belief #relationships #love #personalgrowth #coach #coaching #strength #goals #dreams #healing #empowerment #forwomen  When we find ourselves clinging to people who are no long choosing us, or trying to force a love connection that is so past it's expiration date, WE MUST STEP BACK AND REMEMBER THE PURPOSE OF RELATIONSHIPS. :: The purpose of relationships is not, "We keep each other around to avoid being alone," or "We hold onto each other even though it clearly isn't working anymore." NOR is it: "You must keep loving me and showing up for me in order for me to be okay with myself." :: One of the hardest things about relationships is that we will never get to choose who stays and who goes. We do not get to decide how long someone can or will love us, and we are not good, caring partners to others or OURSELVES when we make their choice to leave, or unwillingness to stay all about us. If someone cannot stay, if they have to go, if they are choosing something or someone else, please let them. Please choose yourself. Choose to watch them walk away, and know that they are leaving behind someone WONDERFUL (you!), and grant them the freedom to discover that on their own. Be glad that you still have you, and that there will be others who love you even better than you imagined possible. :: When someone leaves we have to practice saying, "Thank you for making space for an even richer, deeper experience of love and partnership. Both with myself, and the next lucky son-of-a-gun."  Hallelujah. Amen. Over and out. #love #relationshipquotes #iyanlavanzant #iyanlafixmylife #partnership #chooseyourself #marriage #romance #self #coaching #inspiration #strength #power #respect #truth #heartbreak #chooseyourself  A #mantramonday of sorts...For when you get caught in the stoopid dance of "OH NO DID I SAY/DO/TEXT/IMPLY THE WRONG THING AND NOW THEY WILL NEVER LOVE ME/CHOOSE ME/TEXT ME BACK?!" Golly gee, it's exhausting just thinking about. 🤦‍♀️ And we've all been there, haven't we? :: Here's what we're missing in those moments: In relationships that really work, with the really right people for you, at the right time, and under the right circumstances, you can "mess up" in a lot of ways and it will still work. You can say the wrong thing and the right person will find it charming. You can be super needy and the right person will find it refreshing that you're so comfortable asking for what you want. You can text them every hour on the hour and the right person will be flattered, not annoyed. They will text back, not leave you hanging. :: We actually need to be more uncool, un-smooth, and willing to do the "wrong thing", to see where we really stand with people. To see if they really want US, or just the fancy, representative version of us we have cultivated carefully after years of being told what turns folks on or off. Cause trying to follow those so-called rules will drive a person crazy. And when we get sucked into crazy we must step back and remember: WHEN IT IS SO SO TRULY UNDENIABLY RIGHT, YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT FUCK IT UP.  What a sigh of relief, right?  There is so much about you to be proud of and to appreciate, it's insaaaaane. And to ADD TO THE LIST, you are also so willing to notice and question what you don't like about yourself, just to make you that much awesome-er. How cool are you, Ms. Never-Settle?? Captain Self-Improvement?? That's amazing!! Are you giving yourself credit?? :: Let's be real: Most of us are not. Most of us treat ourselves like scabs that supposedly aren't doing a good job of healing. We examine ourselves, and pick at ourselves, and check up on ourselves over and over, and give ourself a jank score as a human based on how imperfect we are. At least compared to that gorgeous, trendy, always smiling, cellulite-free angel of bikini-clad perfection we follow on IG. :: Baaaaarf, team. Barf forever. Can you let yourself BE for a moment and just enjoy your own company? Frowns, cellulite, and all? It is so fine to take a break from the self-improvement and indulge in some self-enjoyment. It's so good. It's so necessary. So let's make it a new practice. :: What can you take a moment to appreciate about yourself today?? Tell me in the comments. I want to high five your heart.   Ohhh the patience pill can be a very tough one to swallow. I love this quote because it invites us to remember that our idea of the "right timing" isn't always quite right, is it?⠀ • If we can get a little more comfy with the idea that even though we can't SEE IT, things are still happening, pieces are falling into place, and people are becoming who they need to be separate from us, before they can be joined with us! Can you lean into that? That there is divine timing and serendipity and kismet and all of that good stuff, and it might not look anything like you expect it to? 🤔 • That means you get to use this time to your advantage, and take care of whatever business/fun/relaxation/inspiration you want to before the right thing, the right person, or the right situation unfolds before your very eyeballs. Trust it, babe. It'll at least take the edge off.  In 2010 I reluctantly went on on a few dates with a nice fella, solely as a favor to a coworker. ⠀ She kept telling me how great he was, and I kept telling her (and myself) that he was all wrong for me, super boring, way too Wally Clever/goody-two-shoes. Ick. Not "my type".  Boy, did he prove me wrong. Especially on our second date, when he called me out on my snap judgment of him. He declared my prejudice towards "the nice guy" shitty and unattractive, and I was instantly both embarrassed and enlightened.⠀ We invent stories about people to keep us "safe", aka in the land of the familiar (even if the familiar sucks), and these stories and beliefs are some of the most limiting lies we can buy into. Much to my surprise, I fell in love with Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. And he continued to challenge me, inspire me, and love me in a way I didn't even know someone could. When we eventually went our separate ways, I thanked him for showing me that people can be much more than we believe them to be. And I thanked myself for giving him a real chance.⠀ Let someone prove you wrong. Challenge yourself to stay open, even when parts of you want to arbitrarily shut something down. Because nobody likes being judged, and you never know where it could lead.  When women ask me things like, "Why does this guy mistreat me/disappoint me/let me down so much??" my first response is almost always: I DUNNO BUT WHY DO YOU LET HIM, SISTER?!⠀ • We determine the standard of treatment (and quality of human) we allow into our lives. You are responsible for teaching people how to treat you. Yeah -- that's a damn Dr. Phil quote. You know I'm desperate to make a point hit home when I'm quoting DP. • While it might not feel easy to break things off with someone you've grown attached to for all the wrong reasons, it's 10,000x harder to keep betraying yourself and tolerating BS in the long run. Not to mention, youdeservebetter. I know this! You know this. And honestly, he likely knows it to. So let him go, let him go, let him go now. Make room for someone who doesn't make you stress, suffer, or sacrifice yourself. Pretty puh-lease. Cause your love life shouldn't feel like goddamn circus. 🤡 • ps. This quote was pulled from a blog-style email I sent to my web subscribers last week, and so many of you replied that it was just what you needed to hear! (I get that a lot ) Click the link in my profile if you want to sign up to get email check-ins from me on all things life & love.   Some of my favorite words from one of my favorite writers/thinkers/feelers out there. If you're not reading @thecut column #AskPolly every week WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BABE?! Any other fans?? I promise you'll love her.   Sometimes when I'm caught in the human trap of future-prediction and anxious thinking I pause and imagine THE WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME.  • Then I recognize that even if the worst thing ever happened, I would still be okay. The sun would manage to rise. My heart would keep beating. And I'd pick up the necessary pieces and move along, and fit things back together in whatever way I could. These simple truths offer some sweet relief in moments of worry. • The only reason I can identify these simple truths is because I have fucked things up quite royally before. I have made really dumb mistakes. Knowingly walked into painful fires. Gone against my instincts and forced situations and circumstances I shouldn't have. And I survived that stuff. And life actually got better as a result. So the fuck-age up-age isn't nearly as scary as it used to be. • Don't fear "failure" or the "worst case scenario" because you are stronger and smarter than to allow circumstances to bring you permanently to your knees. You will survive and be okay. You can choose that for yourself, over and over again. And just like the sun, you'll manage to rise again. ☀️ #fearnot #trust #faith #learn #shinebright

3 Simple Practices for Honing, Owning, and Cultivating White-Hot Resilience

3 Simple Practices for Honing, Owning, and Cultivating White-Hot Resilience

Latest video on resilience, and why it’s a big old key to taking more risks in life–romantically and otherwise. Not necessary viewing per sé, but click the link and watch anyway!

Like most things we “should” work on within ourselves (y’know, the usual well-intended stuff like self-love, finding your passion, and the ability to stop hitting “snooze” eventually…), experts are quick to share the benefits of these inner gifts, but often aren’t great at sharing the nitty-gritty, practical, day-to-day “how-to” details.

I AIN’T THAT KIND OF EXPERT.

Mostly ’cause I’m not an expert at all, I just know what’s worked for me and dozens of clients I’ve worked with who crave more adventure, reward, and overall sense of badassery in their daily lives. We’re talkin’ MEGA, capital-R, Resilience! YEEHAW!!

Here are three simple practices for increasing how truly capable, courageous, and “CAN’T TOUCH THIS” you are.

1) MAKE A LIST OF EVERYTHING YOU HAVE SURVIVED. YES–ORTHODONTIC HEAD GEAR ABSOLUTELY COUNTS.

Y’all, this journey through life can be describe in many ways. And one of them is HARD.

We have all known pain and hurt, we have all experienced sorrow, doubt, confusion, and perhaps even existential dread.

And we have all surviiiiiived.

Take note (like with actual pen & paper) of everything you have already overcome in your time on planet earth, and start giving yourself the much over-due credit. Here’s some fun examples:

  1. Being born! Coming out of a vagina is scary, y’all!
  2. High school! Seriously horrific stuff!
  3. Your first yoga class! Who knew downward dog could be THAT hard?!
  4. Your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend and her cute bubble-butt friends bumping into you at the gym when you looked insanely haggard and sweaty!
  5. Your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend showing up at that party unexpectedly and you having to act super cool even though you wanted to cry ‘n die on the inside!

Instead of being ashamed of the tough shit you’ve had to face and fumble through, how about patting yourself on the back for all the ways in which you continued to venture forth, even when everything completely sucked?

If you can begin to feel empowered through hard times, you’ll begin to look forward to hard times, knowing that no matter what you’re completely safe, secure, and can get through anything. Taking stock of your own survival skills is a fabulous way to turbo-charge resilience.

2) BOTTLE IT UP, BABY.

Looking for “Evidence of Resilience” in your daily life is an awesome, ongoing way to feel like a brave, strong, soul who will always land on her feet.

Find an empty vessel (a recycled tissue box, mason jar, or special keepsake container) and each day take a few moments to recall any tough or painful moments that you managed to wiggle your way through. Write it down on a post-it or strip of paper, and drop it in the box.

Stuff like, “Woke up in a funk, managed to take a shower and get to work on time,” is a WIN. So is “Family decision to put down our cat,” as well as, “Insanely stressful meeting with Carole from HR.”

Most folks who don’t see themselves as inherently resilient are very strong, resourceful, creative, and high-functioning. The issue is that they don’t actually notice how strong, resource, creative, and high-functioning they are.

This exercise is designed to clue you into how many small (or huge) struggles you might be facing on a daily basis, and how you manage to navigate them with a steadfast heart, or at least a willingness to put one damn foot in front of the other.

Let your vessel for daily wins serve as a physical reminder of your own ever-present resilience. When you feel weak or risk-averse, glance over and remember WHAT A BOSS YOU ACTUALLY ARE.

3. LOOK FOR THE LEARNING AND DRINK YOUR LEMONADE.

How skilled are you at taking life’s sourest lemons and turning them into beautiful, delectable, resilience-fueled LEMONAAADE?

Do you tend to sit in your pile of lemons and proclaim, “Woe is me!”?  Or do you find ways to sweeten that shit by learning, growing, and even offering gratitude for that which has pained you, but has also made you strong as a mothereffin ox, sweetheart.

Highly resilient individuals manage to find silver linings and golden nuggets of wisdom in ALL of their experiences. Even the really shitty, awful, sucky stuff.

When you can readily convert your pain into a platform for learning, pain becomes a veritable blessing.

And of course, yes, duh–I know that life-lemons and pain suck, and it’s hard to legitimately feel like it’s ever a good thing when you’re fucking going through it, but I’m just saying that pain is a GIVEN so we gotta find a way to work with it.

And looking for the learning, treating your trials and tribulations like gifts, figuring out how getting stood up on prom night has actually helped you be amazing and awesome, is a wonderful way to work through pain and begin viewing yourself as endlessly rad and resilient AF.

You, my buttercup babe, are a veritable rock star! Can you start owning that? Can you increase your overall sense of resilience? Can you dedicate some time and effort to noticing how much you slay, instead of how much you suck?

PRETTY PLEASE MAKE ALL OF THIS A PRIORITY. Find ways to take stock of your own survival, begin to notice your everyday triumphs, and always reach for the lemonade of learning. This is how you grow. This is how you help yourself through hard times. This is how you begin to see that big scary goal you want to accomplish as not so big and scary at all…

Because you and I both know that you’ve seen, felt, and experienced some shitty shit. And you made it. You continue to make it. You’re ever-evolving and always onto the next thing, continue to live and breathe and learn and figure all of this out, even when you feel like throwing the towel in. The towel need not be thrown, unless it’s back in the ring for the next round.

You got this, you’ve always had this–that’s the truth. Start seeing it that way.

2 Comments
  • Mia Asante
    Posted at 20:49h, 06 February Reply

    Amy, you are amazing, very important topic !! <3

  • Cortney
    Posted at 02:00h, 10 February Reply

    Holy balls, did I need this!!! You always seem to come through in the clutch, love. Thank you for that! Xo

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