CLIENT REQUIREMENTS

If you want to work with me, that means you are:

Curious: You are thoughtful. You have questions about yourself, your life path, and the world around you. You are not turned on by superficial, surface-level conversation; you like to go deeper.

Conscious: You are self-aware. You see yourself as a constant, ever-evolving work in progress. You enjoy thinking and talking about ideas and various ways of being. You might describe yourself as “spiritual” or simply “open”.

Creative: You like to engage with the world around you. You believe life is an interactive, participatory experience. You see yourself as being of value and having a unique purpose.

Committed: You are a woman or man of your word. When you commit to something, you see it through.

Apply now; let’s start the process!

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 There is so much about you to be proud of and to appreciate, it's insaaaaane. And to ADD TO THE LIST, you are also so willing to notice and question what you don't like about yourself, just to make you that much awesome-er. How cool are you, Ms. Never-Settle?? Captain Self-Improvement?? That's amazing!! Are you giving yourself credit?? :: Let's be real: Most of us are not. Most of us treat ourselves like scabs that supposedly aren't doing a good job of healing. We examine ourselves, and pick at ourselves, and check up on ourselves over and over, and give ourself a jank score as a human based on how imperfect we are. At least compared to that gorgeous, trendy, always smiling, cellulite-free angel of bikini-clad perfection we follow on IG. :: Baaaaarf, team. Barf forever. Can you let yourself BE for a moment and just enjoy your own company? Frowns, cellulite, and all? It is so fine to take a break from the self-improvement and indulge in some self-enjoyment. It's so good. It's so necessary. So let's make it a new practice. :: What can you take a moment to appreciate about yourself today?? Tell me in the comments. I want to high five your heart.   Ohhh the patience pill can be a very tough one to swallow. I love this quote because it invites us to remember that our idea of the "right timing" isn't always quite right, is it?⠀ • If we can get a little more comfy with the idea that even though we can't SEE IT, things are still happening, pieces are falling into place, and people are becoming who they need to be separate from us, before they can be joined with us! Can you lean into that? That there is divine timing and serendipity and kismet and all of that good stuff, and it might not look anything like you expect it to? 🤔 • That means you get to use this time to your advantage, and take care of whatever business/fun/relaxation/inspiration you want to before the right thing, the right person, or the right situation unfolds before your very eyeballs. Trust it, babe. It'll at least take the edge off.  In 2010 I reluctantly went on on a few dates with a nice fella, solely as a favor to a coworker. ⠀ She kept telling me how great he was, and I kept telling her (and myself) that he was all wrong for me, super boring, way too Wally Clever/goody-two-shoes. Ick. Not "my type".  Boy, did he prove me wrong. Especially on our second date, when he called me out on my snap judgment of him. He declared my prejudice towards "the nice guy" shitty and unattractive, and I was instantly both embarrassed and enlightened.⠀ We invent stories about people to keep us "safe", aka in the land of the familiar (even if the familiar sucks), and these stories and beliefs are some of the most limiting lies we can buy into. Much to my surprise, I fell in love with Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. And he continued to challenge me, inspire me, and love me in a way I didn't even know someone could. When we eventually went our separate ways, I thanked him for showing me that people can be much more than we believe them to be. And I thanked myself for giving him a real chance.⠀ Let someone prove you wrong. Challenge yourself to stay open, even when parts of you want to arbitrarily shut something down. Because nobody likes being judged, and you never know where it could lead.  When women ask me things like, "Why does this guy mistreat me/disappoint me/let me down so much??" my first response is almost always: I DUNNO BUT WHY DO YOU LET HIM, SISTER?!⠀ • We determine the standard of treatment (and quality of human) we allow into our lives. You are responsible for teaching people how to treat you. Yeah -- that's a damn Dr. Phil quote. You know I'm desperate to make a point hit home when I'm quoting DP. • While it might not feel easy to break things off with someone you've grown attached to for all the wrong reasons, it's 10,000x harder to keep betraying yourself and tolerating BS in the long run. Not to mention, youdeservebetter. I know this! You know this. And honestly, he likely knows it to. So let him go, let him go, let him go now. Make room for someone who doesn't make you stress, suffer, or sacrifice yourself. Pretty puh-lease. Cause your love life shouldn't feel like goddamn circus. 🤡 • ps. This quote was pulled from a blog-style email I sent to my web subscribers last week, and so many of you replied that it was just what you needed to hear! (I get that a lot ) Click the link in my profile if you want to sign up to get email check-ins from me on all things life & love.   Some of my favorite words from one of my favorite writers/thinkers/feelers out there. If you're not reading @thecut column #AskPolly every week WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BABE?! Any other fans?? I promise you'll love her.   Sometimes when I'm caught in the human trap of future-prediction and anxious thinking I pause and imagine THE WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME.  • Then I recognize that even if the worst thing ever happened, I would still be okay. The sun would manage to rise. My heart would keep beating. And I'd pick up the necessary pieces and move along, and fit things back together in whatever way I could. These simple truths offer some sweet relief in moments of worry. • The only reason I can identify these simple truths is because I have fucked things up quite royally before. I have made really dumb mistakes. Knowingly walked into painful fires. Gone against my instincts and forced situations and circumstances I shouldn't have. And I survived that stuff. And life actually got better as a result. So the fuck-age up-age isn't nearly as scary as it used to be. • Don't fear "failure" or the "worst case scenario" because you are stronger and smarter than to allow circumstances to bring you permanently to your knees. You will survive and be okay. You can choose that for yourself, over and over again. And just like the sun, you'll manage to rise again. ☀️ #fearnot #trust #faith #learn #shinebright  You will not be this version of you for always, so try to make peace with what you can. It's so easy to point out what isn't working in our lives and in ourselves, but it's hard to remember that it's just this way for now. And the more you can have patience with yourself, the faster you'll find relief. Having some compassion (even a sliver!) for the parts of you that feel stuck or resistant to change will help then come around. Cause they will. Have faith, boo. #alwayschanging #everevolving #peoplearenotfinishedproducts  As a former MONSTER procrastinator, sometimes I still have to remind myself of this delightful fact. Good reminder the Sunday night before tax week... BIG YAY TO ANOTHER WEEK ROLLIN' OUT! Another chance to kick some new ass and take a few more names. Git 'er dun. I promise it feels better than avoidance. Proooomise. •ps• I unpack this #lifemantra a bit more in my story too. Watch if you get stuck in the grip of procrastination. (Cause don't we all sometimes?? Yowza.) Xx  I've had a lot of people ask me lately why I'm so big on clarifying standards, boundaries, and preferences when it comes to meeting dudes and finding that good good lovin'. 🤔 Should we really be out there dating with such specific hopes of what we'll find? Isn't it awfully unromantic, and even risky, to have a set list of guidelines for what we're looking for?? ⠀ In my opinion (and experience) it's a helluva lot riskier to be seriously dating WITHOUT clear knowledge and understanding of what you're looking for. If you don't know what you want, or what's okay with you & not okay with you relationship and partner-wise, you'll be willing to settle for much less. Simply because it's there, and it's good enough, and it's better than nothing. (HINT: It eventually won't be.)⠀ I liken having high standards and specific preferences to someone who sets a very high bar for the quality of food they consume. If you clearly commit to an organic, whole food, clean 'n green kinda lifestyle, you're not going to make pit stops at McDonald's on the way home. Because you know it won't satisfy or make you feel good. It will rot your insides and won't agree with you. And you know you want fueling, fulfilling, feel-good yummies that energize and sustain you. That's what super high quality living (and loving!!) is all about, right?⠀ Too many people are willing to participate in the romantic equivalent of pit-stop-McDonald's (i.e. it's here, it's good enough, it's better than nothing), simply because they haven't committed to clarifying or raising their standards. And when they're left feeling dissatisfied, still hungry, and painfully out of sync, THEY WONDER WHY. Welllll, cause ya gotta know what works for you and just ooown it. And until you do? You'll likely be willing to survive, but not thrive, on a lot less. ⠀ ps. This post feels a tad harder and harsher than I intended, so just know I think you're awesome and love you boatloads. Also a little McFlurry every now and again never hurt nobody...❤️  Oh dear. So true. So impossible to resist. COMPLICATED THINGS.⠀ For a thoughtful, sensitive, sometimes anxious mind, "complicated" is like crack. So much to unpack and unravel. So many details to consider! Endless potential outcomes...it's like really juicy, flavor-bursting gum for your sweet, smart, chewy brain. ⠀ Unfortunately, ultimately, usually...the chewing leads to suffering. The COMPLICATED-ness proves to be untangle-able. Which is so hard to accept and so painful to let go of. Because we invested time and energy. We felt feelings. Real ones. We let ourselves get caught up in the joyous possibilities of what could be instead of sitting with and fully recognizing the overtly complicated reality. ⠀ If something is already complicated before it's even gotten going, I invite you to consider what is so damn appealing about it. Because love CAN be easy. It CAN be simple. It can not be a struggle or a source of stress. In the best of circumstances, it actually will be those things. But if we keep getting attracted to (and saying YES to) Captain Complicated, we evade ease and simplicity. And that might be a sign that it's time to let it go, sister. Oof, I know. ❤️  It is so beyond okay to not know. It's a given, actually. And when we allow ourselves to take some gentle time in that space of "not knowing", and to calmly sit in uncertainty, and slowly suss things out for ourselves, we tend to do much better. We also feel much better. We learn to let situations resolve themselves, and do not force things that should not be. So be patient. Go easy. You're still figuring it out. We all are. 🤗 •ps• The new #mantramonday episode is LIVE right meow! So excited to be kickstarting the series again; make sure to click the link in my bio to watch.  Think about it - if a swell of discomfort, negativity, or shitty feelings arise when you witness a lovey couple posing for a selfie together, or your friends find love before your do, or you see 2 cute humans kissing goodbye on their morning commute...if you CAN'T STAND THEM, if you wish they would get over each other and GET A ROOM ALREADY, if you find them annoying...why would you want, or allow yourself, to become them? I'll put this in another context, to clarify. For a long time I carried heavy judgment and negatively towards wealthy people. I labeled them greedy, shallow, selfish, whatever. So when it came to expanding my income and wanting to make more money, I bumped up against allllll kinds of mental and emotional trouble spots. Cause why would I want to become something (financially comfortable or even abundant) if that equated to me being all those negative things I loathe (shallow, selfish, shitty). I had an UPPER LIMIT PROBLEM. I was unconsciously sabotaging my own income. If more money meant being a bad person, I couldn't make more money cause then I WOULD BE A BAD PERSON. Wickity-wack! Right?? Many people have an UPPER LIMIT LOVE PROBLEM. They throw shade at happily married couples and convince themselves those two can't possibly be that happy. They look at pics of engagement announcements online and roll their eyes in inward protest. They hate seeing PDA's, because uggggh just stoppppppp. But if you WANT IT, you need to CELEBRATE IT. You need to feel at peace with it, at minimum. This is where coaching work is so powerful, because it's really hard to spot these unconscious "upper limiting" beliefs on your own, but trust me - IT IS WORTH IT. Cause when you start acknowledging and dissolving that stuff? You feel a lot more open, appreciative, and in alignment with what you actually do want. Which is love, yo. So get up to speed with yourself! ❤️  If you think you can receive romantic love, experience romantic love, and offer romantic love, without having to take some risks...ohh child. You dreamin'. Which is ADORBS. Love REQUIRES leaps! And taking risks and chances. And duh, that is hella nerve-racking because we are smart, and this ain't our first rodeo, and we know we might get very hurt, and we can totally hurt others. And realistically, we will probably BOTH. But please remember that the greatest risk in life is no risk at all. Remaining in your bubble, playing it safe and small and not saying YES to people, experiences, feelings, opportunities, oh sweetness. What kind of life is that? Taking little leaps in the direction of love, intimacy, and increased visibility (and vulnerability) is where allllll the good stuff happens. And when we mentally and emotionally sack up to that fact, and stop pretending that spending 24/7 in our "comfort zones" is in any way comfortable, love is more likely to find a way in. And love wants in. She wants ALL IN. She wants you to say YES to yourself, and to life, and to opportunity, a lot more. She wants you to honor your nature and your desires and show up and be bold and unapologetic and (as best you can) unafraid. She knows the reward is worth the risk. Do you? START KNOWING IT! #letlovein #taketherisk #getoutyourway

If You Can Handle Trader Joe’s at 5pm on a Friday, You Can Find Love in the 21st Century

If You Can Handle Trader Joe’s at 5pm on a Friday, You Can Find Love in the 21st Century

I have two highly effective rules for when I grocery shopping,  and they happen to be the same two same rules I follow (and encourage my clients to follow) when it comes to the pursuit of good, sweet, everlasting love.

If we all just followed THESE TWO SIMPLE RULES, we would waste less time, put up with less bullshit, feel more better/happier/joyous-er on a more regular basis, and get a lot closer to our ideal match. More sooner.

This I swear. By the moon and the stars in the sky. Please just follow these efficiency-guaranteeing, mouth-watering rules:

1) Don’t go to the grocery store when you’re hungry.

 

It’s Thursday night post-yoga.

You’re friggin tired, and you didn’t eat dinner after work because traffic was a nightmare and you can’t be late to Becky’s “Fire & Flow” class.  She is the best but her classes fill up so fast. It’s actually kind of annoying.

But as it turns out, you rushing over there was totally worth it! Cause you leave class sweaty but zen, and decide to head to Trader Joe’s before it closes in 35 minutes. Eek.

As you rip outta the parking lot you start thinking about tomorrow’s performance review with your new supervisor (ugh), and find yourself feeling a little anxious…

Your phone buzzes and it’s a reminder from your Mom that Dad’s birthday is this weekend, and you still didn’t get him a gift. Dammit…

You hop outta the car, suddenly noticing how mothereffing starving you are.

Your stomach rumbles and makes that weird, wet, squelching noise as you head towards the glowing entrance of TJ’s like a wild lioness ready to go in on some fresh, juicy hyena butt.

20 minutes later you walk out with everything from gummi bears to chocolate-peppermint Puffins to pork dumplings to four different blocks of cheese (blueberry infused goat?!) and a few of those delicious but deadly microwaveable quiches and like, three unique versions of frozen pizza.

So much for “#healthyliving”. So much for “#cleaneating”. Fuck! You’ll be eating this crap for weeks.

But come on, you didn’t stand a chance.

You were tired, hungry, stressed, pressed for time, and everything looked good. Especially the stuff you know is bad for you! You’re only human, what were you gonna do—skip the gourmet peanut butter cups at the check-out? Please!

THE SAME IS TRUE WHEN YOU WANDER DOWN AISLES OF SINGLE, AVAILABLE MEN, AND YOUR LIFE IS CONSISTENTLY LACKING.

If you are single and “hungry” (aka: lonely, sad, unworthy-feeling, desperate, etc…) you do not stand a chance at choosing a great partner or a thriving relationship.

You’re weak. You’re under-nourished. Your judgment is cloudy. You’ll settle for anyone, anything, because it looks good and feels a lot better than nothing.

You’re so empty-feeling and dissatisfied, you’ll choose the male equivalent of thick-cut bacon slathered in salted caramel gelato.

Which sure, tastes awesome in the beginning, but after continued consumption?  Will slowly begin to rot away your insides.

Bacon-Gelato Boys are tempting and fun in the beginning, but only leave you lusting for more and feeling less-than.

But listen, when you hit the grocery (and the dating scene) from a place of fullness and satisfaction, it’s easier to walk past tempting but toxic treats, and make better, healthier choices.

You know what would benefit you to have in your fridge (and in your life) in the coming weeks/months.

You know what helps you feel fulfilled, energized, fueled up, and nourished long-term, and you enjoy choosing those things.

When you pursue love from a place of deep fulfillment and already-existing satisfaction, momentarily yummy just ain’t enough anymore.

You know you need a lot more than a flashy, charming, salted caramel smile. You don’t want empty relationship calories. You want the REAL, NUTRIENT-DENSE, DEAL.

So it is imperative that you fill yourself up first.

Fix your own life. Feed your soul. Feel good first. Then hit the scene. You’ll make better choices, feel more fulfilled, and be proud of yourself for doing so, too.

2) Don’t go to the grocery store without a list.

What happens when you go to the grocery store without any knowledge of what you actually need?

Don’t you feel kind of aimless? Overwhelmed?

Don’t you find yourself picking the wrong items, or wasting time trying to remember if you actually need almond butter, or if you still have that extra jar at home?

Grocery shopping without a list is inefficient. It’s tiresome. It’s confusing. You don’t know what you want or need, you get distracted by (again) tasty-but-toxic products, you waste your energy wandering down the same aisle four times…part of you thinks you should just go home and come back when you’re more organized and on top of it.

I WOULD SUGGEST YOU DO THAT BEFORE DATING, TOO.

Know what you’re looking for. Know what you need. Know what would complement your already-existing ingredients. Know what your life is currently missing.

Also know what you need to not buy anymore.

No, you really don’t need to sample another guy who’s cute but reminds you of your awful ex. No, you don’t need someone who still doesn’t know how to pay his own bills. No, you don’t need another sexy but messed up wannabe Dan Bylzerian. Because ew.

Know yourself, know your weaknesses, know what’s really good for you, know what makes you feel awesome, and do not forget what you know, or just ignore it. Honor your (figurative or literal) list!

Because if you have  “broccoli, arugula, chickpeas, chicken” on your groery list, you are going to seek out those things and not wander into the baking aisle and buy funfetti cake mix plus two tubs of frosting just cause you feel like it, cause that stuff ain’t on your list.

In the exact same way, if you have “kind, respectful, intelligent, self-sufficient” on your must-have list for a partner, you are much less likely to say YES to a guy (aka: put him in your cart and take him home with you) who possesses none of those qualities. Your simple awareness and knowing of what you want and need will keep you accountable.

Whether we’re grocery shopping or husband shopping (ha, what a concept), lists help. Keep it clear for yourself, and don’t stray from the list. At least not too far…I mean, we’re all human. Sometimes a girl needs some bacon frosting. 😉

If you start putting your personal fulfillment and satisfaction first, and finding a man second, I promise you will notice a shift in the quality of men you find yourself drawn to.

And if you can get used to owning what it is you actually want and need in a partner, I promise you’ll have an easier time sifting through the new awesome men that are getting drawn into your life.

In short: Get clear, have fun, eat good food, date good men. In that order. Buh-bam.

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