CLIENT REQUIREMENTS

If you want to work with me, that means you are:

Curious: You are thoughtful. You have questions about yourself, your life path, and the world around you. You are not turned on by superficial, surface-level conversation; you like to go deeper.

Conscious: You are self-aware. You see yourself as a constant, ever-evolving work in progress. You enjoy thinking and talking about ideas and various ways of being. You might describe yourself as “spiritual” or simply “open”.

Creative: You like to engage with the world around you. You believe life is an interactive, participatory experience. You see yourself as being of value and having a unique purpose.

Committed: You are a woman or man of your word. When you commit to something, you see it through.

Apply now; let’s start the process!

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 Arguably the biggest shift one can make relationship-wise is to stop seeing heartache or heartbreak as pure loss. Does it hurt? Of course. Do we hate it? Typically. Can it still be profoundly helpful? HELL YES. You will be forced to root into new stories and beliefs about yourself. You'll have to revise your priorities and chart a new course. You'll need to face and be with yourself (something many of us use relationships to avoid) in a deeply intimate, uncomfortable, but important new way. My biggest breakthroughs and major life changes have always come on the other side of being absolutely railroaded and screwed in some capacity. I didn't ask for the hurt, but I got heaps of it. And while gratitude and learning might be a lot to reach for right away, eventually seeing how that loss or pain paved the way for new greatness is fucking magical. I don't know how else to describe it. It's up to you. You get to choose. All bad? Or is something potentially positive going to come out of the wreckage? Choose the latter. It usually feels better. Just sayin'. #nomudnolotus #youknowthis #yes   Waaaaay too real/inappropriate/ridiculous to not share.  Shout out to anyone else who has a pretty INTENSE relationship with their emotional side...just know you're in good company! #allthefeels  I've always had a flare for the over-dramatic. In relationships of yester-year I used to pick fights, stir up unnecessary drama, find little ways to pick and poke and prod my partner to get a reaction. It was UGLY. And UNFAIR. And I was totally blind to it. Then a really wonderful guy called me on it. A lot. And told me he loved me but wasn't willing to put up with my BS if I wasn't willing to work on it. So I got into therapy ( for good therapy) and started reeeeeally looking at myself. Noticing my habits, my patterns, my cues, examining why I liked being a bitch sometimes to the people I love the most. Taking ownership instead of passing the buck, or letting it continue to play out. That relationship ultimately ended but it was MASSIVELY healing for me. It forced me to look at the most confused, backwards, ugly parts of myself and rewire that shit. Now I cant believe there were moments where I would purposefully push another's buttons just to get a rise out of him and maybe guarantee some extra (albeit unhealthy) attention. I used to get embarrassed about those habits, but now I feel like a boss for working through it and saying YES to awareness and growth. Because noticing what you're doing that's getting in the way of the life you want, and the things you want, and the person you want to be, is HARD but SO IMPORTANT. And relationships are one area that will really shine a flashlight on all of your flaws and insecurities, so don't ignore what comes up for you. If you catch yourself (or you're lucky enough to have someone else lovingly catch you) playing into bad habits, get curious. Don't condemn yourself, or continue the cycle. But notice. And start working on it, either on your own or with a trusted professional. This is how change happens. This is how good stuff gets going. And old, stupid, tired BS gets kicked to the curb. I promise you--it's worth it.  TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH . Happy Friday, you lovely weirdos.  We might love the black and white idea of choices breaking up into neat 'n clean little piles of HELL YES's and HELL NO's...but life is anything but black and white--have you noticed? If I only said yes to the stuff I felt 100%, HELL YES on-board with in my life (whether it be in love, in business, in what to eat for dinner some nights), I'd be a fucking sitting duck. I'd be twiddling my thumbs instead of making the necessary decisions and moving forward even though I wasn't completely sure. Sometimes a HELL MAYBE needs to be enough. Sometimes just feeling a slight tug to move in a new direction, or the tiniest inkling that you should maaaaybe give that thing/person/experience a try....sometimes that's all that you're gonna get. And it's ok to not be sure, and choose anyway. It's fine to remember that you're allowed to roll the dice, you're allowed to take the risk, you're allowed to change your mind, to make mistakes and recover and reroute. That is LIFE. Investing in the small-minded principle that there are designated goods and bads, rights and wrongs, hell yes's and no's--that's a tough spot to be in babe. I don't find that life shows up in that way for most of us. So if you've been waiting for a lightning bolt of HELL YES to come crashing through the clouds so you can finally give yourself permission to make that decision and move forward, keep waiting. But if you just need some permission to move forward anyway, without being 100% sure, it's yours. Consider this your sign. Hell maybe, indeed.  My mother hates that I curse on camera. HATES IT. She's one of my biggest fans but she'll always plead, "Amy, do you HAVE to swear so much?!"  My response? Fuck no, but I'm going to anyway! (Ok but I would never actually say that to my mom cause UM ARE YOU CRAZY. ) But I have to live my life, and make decisions, and do what's good and right for me, and it is not my job (nor is it yours) to tiptoe around trying to make anyone, even those closest to me, feel good/relaxed/comfy-cozy with my choices. If there is something you must do because it calls to you, or it makes your heart sing in some weird way, and you can't ignore the call anymore, please--get on with it already. Don't worry about it making sense to anyone else. It's ok to be/act/look/feel differently than other people. It's a given. And to whitewash yourself or hold back because you're worried about it being okay with everyone is really exhausting, and a complete slap in the face to the person you are becoming. You have to decide what works for you. You have to choose things, people, identities, and clothes that really resonate with you, and own that it's not your job to get anyone but you on board with the shape your life is taking. Not. Your. Job. This is seldom easy but often necessary. Trust that the ones who truly love you will find a way to preserve your relationship and make it work. Thankfully, my mom did. F-bombs and all. #imlucky #lovemymom #sorryforsayingfuckallthetime ❤️  TONIGHT TONIGHT TONIGHT. I'll be going live right here on IG to talk through all the weird, wacky feelings that often come up as a result of Valentine's Day. Then I'm answering all of the questions. And by "all" I mean "most" slash "the really good ones".  So bring your BEST Q's and an open heart tonight at 5:30 pm PST / 8:30 pm EST. I'm sooooo exciiiiited!!! ❤️  I get pissed off at the vast amount of internet propaganda pushing everyone to quit their jobs and live their dreams. Internet culture and stupidly simplistic advice like "LIVE YOUR PASSION! JUST DO IT! SWOOSH!!" has bullied so many into feeling like they're cowardly, weak, sell-outs for sticking to a 9-to-5 or maintaining a hobby or passion without turning it into a profitable existence. My passion and hobby became my profitable existence and of course - it's really fucking cool, but everyday ain't magical sunshine daisies and rainbows. There are moments and days where I genuinely miss waiting tables or working an espresso bar. For various reasons. I witness so many wonderful, smart people creating PAIN for themselves because they feel like they should be out there living some other life that's much more exciting or adventurous or daring or bold than the one they currently have. And there is time for that, beautiful, but do not forsake the life you are living now for a fantasy of what "should be". What should be is right in front of you. Your current reality is what should be - so you can either make peace with it or use it as rocket fuel to propel you to what's next. It's okay to want more for yourself, but not at the cost of diminishing or despising what you already have. And you aren't a loser for wanting health insurance, stability, or a 401k. I don't care what any wanderlusting, wildly successful digital nomad says on HuffPo. You're perfectly fine and okay where you are. Breathe into that one. We all need to hear it (and really believe it) a little more often.  Remember my "1 Word for 2017" video? Today I'm completely living into mine: CHERISH. I'm making this year about doing things and feeling things and appreciating things completely for however long I get to have them in my experience. Tonight I decided to buy some flowers inspired by a bouquet my beautiful soul friend @mbakerwellness shared online (ps. she's amazing). I might normally shrug off this kind of purchase, labeling it "impractical" or "unnecessary". But damn, I'm cherishing the shit out of this arrangement right now. And now I get to go cherish some dinner, and then cherish an at-home pedicure, followed by catching some seriously cherished Zzz's. Big or small, we deserve to have and do and feel nice things.  What's something you can take a moment to cherish from today?  Even the things you think make you ugly are precious treasures. And treasure ain't ugly. #ownit #loveit #hellyes #happysunday   Growing and evolving and learning and becoming and all of that...it's never over, is it? This is great news and sometimes annoying news, which is why I just put up a video (on my YouTubes) talking about how we don't always have to WORK SO HARD at this stuff. Sometimes we just wake up and realize we're totally different than we were 6 months ago or 4 years ago or hell, last week! You're changing and becoming all the time. So you can relax. Take it easy. It's totally cool to take a break from the dance floor.  ps. If you'd like to hear more and find out where I'm traveling to next in the #amygoeswest saga, head to my channel and watch the latest vid!  Stop hiding. Stop lying. Stop pretending something works for you when it doesn't. Stop acting like you don't want it. Stop talking shit about it. Stop ignoring your instincts, impulses, and desires. Stop faking it. Stop turning it down. Stop saying "no" when you want to say "yes". Stop shielding yourself. Stop quieting your inner wisdom. Stop acting like it's good enough if it's not.✋ Love wants to find you, but you need to help it out sometimes sweetheart. Come out of your hiding place and watch what happens.❤️  It's called standards, people.  Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas Eve, fam!!  Xoxo

What to Do About That Horrible Voice in Your Head Telling You that You Suck Sometimes (or All the Time!)

What to Do About That Horrible Voice in Your Head Telling You that You Suck Sometimes (or All the Time!)

I talk a lot about the “voices in our heads” over on my YouTube channel, and sometimes I think I sound like a crazy person, but then I remember—Ohh riiiight, we’re all crazy people.

Because most internal human dialogue is pretty wacky ‘n weird. Even if it’s not anxiety-ridden or pain-producing, hell, it’s still fascinating to examine.

I’m staying at an AirBnB right now and I had to message my host to ask if she had “an extra large towel”, meaning “a second full-size towel”, but as soon as I hit SEND I realized she might think I’m asking for a hugely enormous XL towel because I worded it poorly, and what if she thinks I’m some kind of spoiled princess who only uses giant luxe towels? And will she then be annoyed by such a dumb request? Will she give me a bad review on AirBnB?? Couldn’t I just be satisfied with the one stupid towel she gave me?!

SPOILER ALERT: She brought over some extra towels and it wasn’t a big deal. Duh.

But the MIND. THE MIND IS STRANGE.

When I’m working with clients, and we’re knee-deep in some weird, winding, mind mucky-muck, and they’ve convinced themselves that they’re annoying, or that they suck on some level, or they’re lazy and unlovable, or jeez–they can’t stop comparing themselves to to their cousin Beatrice who just has all of her shit together, I have to remind them that these thoughts, that internal voice, those words and feelings and stories they hear inside are just that—stories.

And sure, they might be stories they’ve repeated to themselves so many times that they just don’t question them anymore, but that doesn’t make a story true. I could tell you the story of Rumpel-fuckin-Stiltsken every hour, on the hour for fifteen years, but that doesn’t make Rumpelstiltskin a real dude.

YOUR MIND IS JUST TELLING YOU A BUNCH OF INTERESTING AND SOMETIMES SHITTY STORIES.

The stuff we hear in our heads is like different channels playing on a TV set. Or records that can be put on or taken off a record player. Or movies being projected on a giant IMAX-sized screen in your highly creative, prone-to-worry, often anxious mind.

And I hear you when you proclaim, “But this voice in my head is really loud! This voice is really mean! This voice is the only voice I ever hear and it’s telling me awful things, and it has been for years!”

And I need you to think about it in this context: “Man, this TV channel really sucks! This channel plays all the time! It’s awful and scary and I hate the programming!”

Babe. Find the remote. Turn that shit off.

“I’ve tried! I lost the remote a long time ago! Or no one ever gave me a remote in the first place!”

Okay. Here’s what you can actively practice and commit to when your mind-channels are outta control and  need to be turned the fuck off. Or at least muted for a little while so you can relax for just like a minute.

 1) Label and call out the damn channel.

This is the most brilliant-est step one: Just notice what channel is playing.

It might feel like you have a lot of different noise going on up there, but there are usually only a few messages that continuously play out on repeat for each of us. Get clear and specific about what the message is.

Some painful but popular internal narratives/“mind channels” are:

  • You’re not good enough.
  • Your future is fucked.
  • Bad things are going to happen.
  • Bad things have already happened.
  • Everyone is thinking terrible things about you.

Ugh ugh ugh. Premium cable say what? THESE CHANNELS ARE AWFUL BASIC ACCESS THAT WE GOTTA STOP WATCHING.

When your mind begins spontaneously going over the details of what happened at yesterday’s meeting, and you’re remembering what you said, and the look that Beth gave Claire as you spoke, and you imagine how they went to the break room and laughed about you afterwards—PAUSE, NOTICE, AND LABEL IT.

“Ohhh – the ‘everyone is thinking terrible things about me’ channel is playing! We’ve watched this one before! This episode sucks!”

There is so much psychological research and evidence in support of the theory that simply labeling your internal experience (thoughts, feelings, etc…) helps to regulate and decrease the hold it has on you. I encourage you to test this theory out for yourself and have a little at-home experiment. Make some popcorn and tune into the mind-movie. Review it. Do you wanna keep watching? Decide.

2) Try giving your attention to literally ANYTHING ELSE.

If there’s a TV on at the restaurant you’re eating dinner at, does that mean that you have to watch it? Just because it’s on? Because it’s situated over your table, or in your line of sight?

Could you pay attention to your food? Could you pay attention to your friend eating dinner with you? Could you get out a book and start reading?

You do not have to keep your eyes glued to a TV set just because it’s on, and you do not have to keep your attention glued to your mind just because it’s telling you mean, terrible things. I would strongly advise you to turn your attention away from your mind when it is telling you mean, terrible things. There is no good information being delivered to you at that point.

If you really can’t change the channel, or can’t turn the TV off, distract yourself with anything else. Interrupt your mindless viewing and shift your attention elsewhere. Math problems. Counting the hairs on your left arm Noticing the variance in temperature between your two feet. Poetry. Prayer. Remembering every character from “Harry Potter” and what Hogwarts house he or she was in. The options are limitless. Practice shifting focus.

3) How about playing producer and introducing some brand new channels!

So listen, this metaphor only goes so deep. Because if there is an actual, physical TV implanted in the wall and it’s on at full volume all the time, unless you take a sledgehammer to that puppy it’s gonna stay there, stay on, and keep showing you whatever’s playing that afternoon.

But this is YOUR MIND we’re talking about. What plays in your mind is actually up to you. You run the network. And your mind is highly suggestible. You might not be used to suggesting new thoughts and content to your mind, but trust me, your mind is a malleable motherfucker. How do I know this?

If you were lying in bed in the midst of a painful, self-degrading meltdown and I walked into your room shrieking, “Justin Timberlake is down the street giving a free concert!!” you better believe your self-degrading meltdown would be put on pause.

If you are entrenched in worry and then happen to notice a $100 bill on the ground – BOOM – suddenly your worries aren’t the primary focus anymore. Get. That. Money.

If you’re over-wrought with anxiety and receive notice that there’s a stampede of miniature ponies trucking through your backyard, you’re gonna go to a window and check out the damn ponies.

The reality is that most of us never suggest new, creative, enticing alternatives to our minds. We’ve bought into this idea that MY MIND IS MY MIND AND IT SAYS WHAT IT SAYS AND I MUST LISTEN TO IT AND I AM ZOMBIE MUST FOLLOW MIIIIND…

I call bullshit! Play with your mind!

Imagine situations that would or could jog you out of your meltdowns and worries (I suggest making them extreme, enticing, and/or hilarious), and call upon them whenever you can. Get creative. Use your imagination. Thinking about stampedes of miniature ponies is much more useful and enjoyable than thinking about how you should’ve chosen a different major in college, trust me.

Above all else, know this:

You are not alone. You are so far from alone. I know what it’s like to feel like you and your mind are at war. That you can’t turn off the mean-bad-bad thoughts, that you’ll never be able to change the damn channel that feels like it’s been on for an eternity.

And I promise you, I PROMISE YOU, it can be different. It can get so much better. Those thoughts and stories and feelings can (and want to) loosen their grip on you. You don’t have to tune into shitty programming whether it’s on VH1, Lifetime, or inside your own brilliant head.

Check the metaphorical couch cushions. Find some version of a mental remote control. Get a little more selective about what you’re watching, call it out, shift your focus, and introduce some new programming. The more you do it, the easier it gets. And the easier it gets, the more you’ll want to do it. So go. Start practicing. NOW!

18 Comments
  • JENNIFER SCHMELING
    Posted at 01:40h, 26 January Reply

    THIS SPOKE RIGHT TO MY SOUL! THANK YOU FOR THE TOOLS!

    • Amy
      Posted at 05:41h, 26 January Reply

      Wuhoo! You’re SO welcome! 🙂

  • cagla cetin
    Posted at 02:02h, 26 January Reply

    Thank you Amy, i read twice and i was nearly crying. i know the step one. exactly i know the channels (so many channel altogether), i tried to distract myself reading Nietzsche. But i came a point where i could do nothing and started ‘all day laying’. But i will try again, step two and three. Maybe i will not be super confident but i will be better..to live in a cruel world. Thank you <3

    • Amy
      Posted at 05:41h, 26 January Reply

      Keep working at it, beautiful. It can take time, but then sometimes something just clicks. Thank you for reading.

  • Patricia I.
    Posted at 02:09h, 26 January Reply

    Amy, Amt, Amy… I cannot stress enough how helpful you are, not leaaaast to say with the word choice and explanations in this post. I too suffer from time to time from anxiety and depression, even now while I’m on study leave, but this was just God sent. Seriously, I’ve read articles, forums abs books before about all kinds of stuff, but this hit me right in the mind and heart. I no longer feel crazy! And alone! And I really want to thank you for this and wish to inspire you to spill your guts out with more of this you! ❤ Lots of love and best wishes/Paty

    • Amy
      Posted at 05:40h, 26 January Reply

      You are neither crazy nor alone! Sending you lots of love back. So thrilled you found this helpful. HUGS.

  • Jade K.
    Posted at 02:13h, 26 January Reply

    Thank you so much for this post! I recently realized that I tend to over analyze even the simplest of things and assume the worst, which is really unhealthy because it brings me down so much.

    After reading this post, I tried focusing on something else/tuning to “another channel” and it has helped so so much.

    Please keep the awesome blog posts coming xx

    • Amy
      Posted at 05:39h, 26 January Reply

      I’m so happy this helped! It’s good to have a handful of tools to turn to when we get caught in over-thinking/anxious mode. <3

  • Cortney Lamb
    Posted at 02:30h, 26 January Reply

    Guuuuurl… My love runs DEEP after this post! I am the Mayor of Overanalyze-ville and it sucks balls. After seven months it’s “does he like me still?” “are we still exclusive?” “Why won’t he DTR?” “Am I ugly?!”
    For real… I need to throw out the whole fucking TV!!

    • Amy
      Posted at 05:20h, 26 January Reply

      COURTNEY. “I need to throw out the whole fucking TV!!” I DIED. Ha!

      And I feel you girl! Tune that junk out. It will never help! Analysis is great but over-analysis is misery. Sending you love. Adoring your awareness and humor.

  • Paige @ Healthy Hits the Spot
    Posted at 05:06h, 26 January Reply

    AMEZ. This is such a great post! I love your metaphors. You’re the best at them! I love how you related this to watching TV and changing channels! SO HELPFUL. Love you!

    • Amy
      Posted at 05:24h, 26 January Reply

      Paaaige thank you beautiful. Love you MORE!

  • Elisabeth
    Posted at 07:07h, 26 January Reply

    Loved the TV channel comparison! You truly have a gift of speaking straight into the soul. Thank you for making us all feel a bit more human and sane today.

  • Brad
    Posted at 08:57h, 26 January Reply

    Even though you gear your brand toward women, I love your content and feel it always applies across gender lines. Everything in this blog post speaks true, especially to someone like me who is blessed with social anxiety issues.

  • Jenny
    Posted at 09:28h, 26 January Reply

    Fantastic advice. You’re brilliant. I’m reading about mindfulness at the moment and this ties in with it. Thank you. I over analyze to the max.

  • Pat Sykora
    Posted at 18:35h, 26 January Reply

    you inspire me….love ya!

  • Arushi Jain
    Posted at 17:09h, 30 January Reply

    You’ve literally made me really positive in life!…..everything you say just so clicks in my head❤Keep inspiring us all. Much love💋.

  • Laura Sanz
    Posted at 18:16h, 07 February Reply

    Amy, thank you very much for this post. Recently I’ve been going through a hard time because of this and I can tell you that you made it so much easier for me to understand that I can change that. God bless you and I hope you keep inspiring others to change their point of view about our minds. I read you from Colombia 🇨🇴

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